I had felt her

I had felt her,
her stare on the back of my neck
in English class
crawling up the nape of my neck
and choking me until I couldn't speak.

I had felt her,
perfume climb its way into my fibres
after I asked her to be my girlfriend
electricity shooting up my arm
and jazz music in my head.

I had felt her,
lips brush against mine
throwing me off a guard I didn't have
while she shot arrows into my heart
bleeding all I have for her.

I had felt her,
smile travel through the air
as I lifted her veil
and promised her something
I had promised a thousand times before

I had felt her,
warmth on our honeymoon night
a mesh of flesh and breath
silent insecurities
could read the 'do not disturb' sign

I had felt her,
as she nearly broke my knuckles
squeezing my hand
as she brought new life into the world
I told her she's doing well
while I hold the bitter puke in my throat

I had felt her,
tears when they all left for college or marriage,
decades seem like days
when the sun is always shining
as it was with her.

I had felt her,
as I held her weak hands
and told her how much I loved her
as the heart moniter slowly stopped
and I felt her, leave.