Shining

Some days I am an elevator

filled with blood

and when anybody wants to use me

I bleed right in to them

as they run away screaming

and I close my doors for the last fucking time

I swear it, the last fucking time

until somebody else presses my buttons.

Some days I am the mirror

watching you pick away at yourself

staring until you look like a mosaic 

made of tiles of self loathing and disgust

and I want to reach out and tell you

you're beautiful

forgetting I am the one doing this to you.

Some days I am an unwashed duvet

intimately protecting someone for a night

when they don't care that I am disheveled 

until they wake up in the morning 

with a cinder-block for a head 

and a laboratory of corrosive chemicals for a stomach

and they never need me again

Some days I am the crack of sunshine coming through the blinds

making the day worth getting up for

a beam of warmth within myself

the subconscious part of me telling myself to wake up

make it through today, I will keep you warm.

I will drive you to work and feed you

and I will comfort you whenever you need it.

So please wake up.

Creak

He told me he faced his demons once,

and now he checks for where the creaks are

in every floorboard.

So he can hear,

when they're coming for him.

Six word stories

i. Be nice all the fucking time

ii. Someday you'll cry, and I'll smile

iii. I am worth staying awake for

iv. if you're happy, then I'm happy

v. I am being ironic, I swear

vi. Hearing about peoples dreams is boring

vii. Kiss me like you're a vampire

viii. Dark comedy with strong female lead

ix. Don't cry, it's not considered attractive

X. You tasted like an ashtray anyways.

XI. You make me afraid of dying.

Whatever

umbrellas in the sun,
bikinis in the rain,
meds for your happiness,
and bruises for your pain.

Withheld breaths and graveyards
crossing fingers, telling lies.
Trying to cross the road
after you've shut both your eyes.

The warning on the cigarette packet,
are promises you hope.
Ad hominem straw men,
"it's a very slippery slope."

Girls with angry faces,
heart clenched like a fist,
the best feeling in the world
is not wanting to exist.

Perfectly poised gentlemen,
calling women bitches.
I for one, do not care
as long as they like my pictures.

It doesn't matter if you're thin
if you can't let go of your thickness
and yes the world will keep on turning
even if you get motion sickness.

Walking home

"It's only when you leave a room full of talking people you realize how deafeningly loud silence is"

I first noticed my shadow,
watching from the wall,
walking down the dark path,
Judging, dark and tall.

Sometimes you have a good shadow,
looking out like you're a mothers son,
sometimes you have a bad shadow,
I woke up with the wrong one.

I saw my shadow disappear
or at least, from where I could see
but I knew that since it was not there,
it was now stalking behind me.

I was distracted for a moment,
as I walked past an old payphone.
with names etched in the metal,
the phone sat all alone.

A layer of grime lay on its walls
and, probably, within.
I felt the grime all over me,
I felt names etched on my skin.

I felt like the cold metal
and my brain, the lonely phone.
as if right now I had no change,
and all I want is to call home

I crossed the regrettably empty road
and watched the dark grass glisten.
I can still hear the payphone ringing,
making it really hard to listen.

This is where I started to run
and I swear not out of fear,
I just realized how slow I walk
and that I did not want to be here.

I run as if I'm being chased,
or maybe I'm doing the chasing,
all I know is I'm running from something,
that I can't comprehend facing.

I run down the familiar roads
that are silent as a dial tone.
I run through the gate and through the door,
I just wanted to get home.

I had felt her

I had felt her,
her stare on the back of my neck
in English class
crawling up the nape of my neck
and choking me until I couldn't speak.

I had felt her,
perfume climb its way into my fibres
after I asked her to be my girlfriend
electricity shooting up my arm
and jazz music in my head.

I had felt her,
lips brush against mine
throwing me off a guard I didn't have
while she shot arrows into my heart
bleeding all I have for her.

I had felt her,
smile travel through the air
as I lifted her veil
and promised her something
I had promised a thousand times before

I had felt her,
warmth on our honeymoon night
a mesh of flesh and breath
silent insecurities
could read the 'do not disturb' sign

I had felt her,
as she nearly broke my knuckles
squeezing my hand
as she brought new life into the world
I told her she's doing well
while I hold the bitter puke in my throat

I had felt her,
tears when they all left for college or marriage,
decades seem like days
when the sun is always shining
as it was with her.

I had felt her,
as I held her weak hands
and told her how much I loved her
as the heart moniter slowly stopped
and I felt her, leave.

Indigo

Wearing red lipstick

Like the killer of men
And if she cant kill them
She fucks them again
Shes got a little black book
Full of desperate sinners
Like bloody handprints
On the bathroom mirror

When you are with her

you're somebody else

she wants you to fuck her

like you hate yourself

She's got something in her pocket

if you're trying to get high

and thoughts in her mind

if you want to die.

She asks me to stay,
she hates being alone

and I always do,

I never want to go home.

When you are with her
you're somebody else
she wants you to fuck her
because she hates herself

Noir

"There's a word for women like you. But it's not used in polite society. Outside of a kennel"

I don't know how we got here

I don't know what we did

I keep catching myself standing

here, looking at you kid.

I saw her standing by the jukebox

cigarette and what not

I asked her what she likes to drink

she replied "whaddya got?"

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship

and we played as time goes by

she told me to fasten my seat belt

because we're in for a bumpy ride

Music was playing in the distance

pitched at not far off regret

I thought that things were dangerous

but I ain't seen nothin' yet.

She leans in a little for a kiss

"I'm ready for my closeup"

then she tried to sit on my lap

while I was still standing up

I soon find out shes not a drinker

Turns out she's just a drunk

She wants to die wrapped in carpet

In some handsome killers trunk

I tell her if I fall for her

Then love truly is blind

Of all the gin joints in all the world

Why'd you walk into mine?

Her Bette Davis eyes were screaming

"Do you know who I am?!"

And I tell her that quite frankly my dear,

I do not give a damn.

Tripping

I am not weak,

I did not fall

I simply did that really embarrassing thing

when you trip

and you run a couple of steps

and you flail your arms about wildly

but I did not fall

and I will keep walking

I will feel embarrassed and ashamed 

and worry people are watching me and laughing behind my back

but when I turn a corner

it will be better.

Freezing

I once met a guy
who had good taste in books
he made up for in brains
what he was lacking in looks

he was good with his tongue
he was good with his hands
he laughs at bad jokes
and pretends he understands

I ask if he wants me
he says that he might
I lift up my shirt
"you can look if you like"

and when he looked up
I lifted my shirt
I opened my ribs
and showed him my hurt

I told him its cruel
that he could be so nice
because instead of a heart
I've a block of ice

I showed him my pain
and I asked if he felt it
I gave him my heart
and told him to melt it

my rib cage is empty
my thoughts uncontrolled
he told me he can't
because he too is cold

I wanted him badly
I wanted him mine
I was the kids tongue
he was the frozen stop sign

But I back away slowly
watching my breath
and I ran away
before I freeze to death.